Holidays With Your Partner Family: English at B1 for Christmas and Thanksgiving

Spending Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter with the English-speaking family of your partner is a long day of small talk, food, games and rules nobody explains. The language is not difficult, but it is fast, and it is full of habits: how you thank people, how you refuse a second helping, what a cracker is. Here are the phrases, grouped by moment.

A family holiday is the longest single conversation most learners have in English. It can be six or seven hours in the same house, with the same people, and the talk changes every half hour: greetings at the door, kitchen chat, dinner, a game, tea, goodbyes. The good news is that the situations repeat, so a small set of phrases covers most of it.

If this is the first time you meet the family, start with meeting the family in English. This article assumes you already know the names and want to survive, and enjoy, the day itself.

Arriving and greeting

In most English-speaking families, arriving means a hug or a handshake, a coat taken from you, and an offer of a drink within a minute. Say something warm, hand over what you brought, and let the host lead. Bringing something small is expected: flowers, chocolates or a bottle. It is not a payment; it is a gesture.

• Merry Christmas! Thank you so much for having us. The standard, everywhere in the English-speaking world.
• Happy Thanksgiving! It smells amazing in here. Warm and specific, a compliment on the food before you see it.
• This is just a little something for you. Handing over a gift, without making it a big moment.
• Where would you like me to put my coat? Polite, and starts the small talk.
• How was the journey? / Did you have a good drive? What the hosts will ask you; answer briefly and ask it back.

Gifts and how to react

Gift opening has its own etiquette. English speakers open gifts in front of the giver, and they say thank you twice: once for the gift, once for the thought. If you do not like it, you still say you love it. Nobody expects you to explain what you will do with it; a warm reaction is the whole point.

At the table

The table is where most misunderstandings happen, because English has many polite ways of offering and refusing that do not translate literally. A host who says "Would you like some more?" expects an honest answer, and one polite refusal is normal. A second offer is often a real request to have more, so say yes if you want it.

Compliments on food are welcome and are not empty. Try to mention a dish, not just say it is good. If you have a dietary restriction, tell the host before the day, and then repeat it lightly at the table.

• Could you pass the potatoes, please? Ask; do not reach across.
• This is delicious. Could I have the recipe? A compliment that hosts love.
• I would love some more, thank you. Yes to a second helping.
• No, thank you, I am full, but it was delicious. A polite refusal, with a reason and a compliment.
• I am afraid I do not eat meat. Is there something I can have? If you did not tell them earlier.
• Just a small portion, please. When you want to try everything.

Small talk between courses

Between courses the questions are predictable: work, travel, plans, the family back home. Prepare two answers about your own country that are interesting to a stranger, because someone will ask, and it helps to have a story ready. Then turn the question round: "What is Christmas like for you as children?" People love to talk about their own traditions.

For the words around food, the food vocabulary list is a helpful base.

Games and traditions

After dinner there is often a game, and this is where the language moves fast. Someone explains the rules once, quickly. It is completely fine to ask again.

• Sorry, could you explain the rules again? I am new to this one.
• Whose turn is it? Every game needs it.
• I will watch the first round and then join in. A relaxed way to learn by seeing.
• That is not fair! I was not ready. Playful complaining is part of the game.
• Well played! What you say to a winner, and it always goes down well.

Britain and the United States

Both cultures celebrate at home with family, but the details differ. In Britain, Christmas Day is the main event: a roast dinner, crackers, which are paper tubes you pull in pairs to find a paper crown, a joke and a small toy, and the King speech on the television. The day after is Boxing Day. In the United States, Thanksgiving in November is the large family meal, with turkey, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie, and Christmas is a second, separate holiday. Some American families go around the table and say what they are thankful for, so it is worth preparing a sentence: "I am thankful for this welcome, and for all of you."

Do not assume, though. Every family does it its own way, and asking "What do you usually do?" is always better than guessing.

Thanking the hosts

Leaving is as important as arriving, and this is what you are remembered for. Thank the host in person, and again by message the next day. A sentence with a specific detail is worth three general ones.

• Thank you for such a wonderful day. Everything was perfect.
• The dinner was fantastic. I hope we can return the favour next time. Suggesting you will host, which is a compliment.
• We had a lovely time. Thank you for making us feel so welcome.
• Safe travels, and let us stay in touch. Said by both sides at the door.

Keep the lines you like

You do not need to memorise a script. Choose the six or seven phrases you are most likely to say, save them as cards in MindDory, and review them in the app in the days before you travel. The words for the day itself, like cracker, roast, stuffing and dessert, are the ones that stay if you see them more than once.